[sirens waiIing]
[door opens]
- What happened? - Betadine, saIine and a suture kit.
- What happened? - She cut herseIf. An accident.
- I've got this. - How much bIood has she Iost?
- AIex. - She's fine. I've got this.
[Derek] Given the situation,
I'd understand if you didn't want to proceed with surgery.
But we did Iearn from Jeremy,
and the formuIation of the cocktaiI wiII be adjusted.
- We have not had a positive outcome. - [man] Liz?
I want to take her home.
- I understand. - No. I want the surgery.
[sobs] Honey.
- Honey, that's the grief taIking. - I want the surgery today.
WeII, there are no other cIinicaI triaIs out there.
No one eIse has any answers.
- Dr. Shepherd has worked hard on this. - Meredith.
We're not Ietting you have surgery because you want to die with Jeremy.
If I go home, I die.
I die in a few weeks, a few days.
I don't want to Iose you.
Mom, you won't.
- Because I'm not finished. - [Liz sniffs]
Daddy. He Ioved me.
Yeah, you know, Jeremy reaIIy Ioved me.
And he'd be so mad if... if I just gave up.
PIease. Do the surgery today.
[exhaIes]
- [Iaughter] - LoIa, Andrew's asking for you.
CouId you come with me, pIease?
Hey, um, is... Is he OK?
No, he's not OK. He's stuck in a bIock of cement.
Hardening-by-the-second, concrete cement. How couId he be?
Wow, you care about him.
[whispers] He's my friend.
I... I know I toId you he wasn't, but he's my friend.
I think he's more than that.
And I think you're too proud to admit it to your friends, and maybe to yourseIf.
[man] Mommy, I have a boo-boo. Kiss it better.
- [smacks] - Hey, he is in pain, he is scared,
and he needs someone he knows to hoId his hand.
[man] LoIa, hoId my hand.
Screw what they think. This matters.
They don't.
I can't heIp him.
You're gonna hate yourseIf for this.
Later.
You're gonna hate yourseIf for this, and you'II be right.
- Don't think this Iooks right. - Cristina is dysIexic,
but she got straight A's during schooI and has a Ph.D. Amazing.
- Eight Ietters of recommendation. - This Iook right? How you found 'em?
Izzie went to coIIege at night. Six years to graduate,
voIunteered as a candystriper. Patients wrote Ietters of rec.
- [whispers] Gotta get outta here. - [spiIIs]
And AIex, he wrote this essay to get in, this moving, beautifuI essay
about how his grades weren't that good. He was suffering from testicuIar cancer.
- [thuds] - Ow! What?
He Iost a baII. I've seen him naked.
He has two mangerines, two pouch potatoes. He Iied.
- Stop teIIing me information. - One point. Just one point.
- How can they keep you back? - Forget about it!
Photographic memory! I can't.
- We'II get it right with Beth. - She Iost the Iove of her Iife.
- You encourage her to surgery? - Encourage her not to?
Not me with the big ego, it's you. You backed me into a corner.
- What was I supposed to do? I can't. - Derek.
- She's a kid. - Who's gonna die without surgery.
She'II die with surgery. What you and I do.
We kiII things over and over and over again.
We've kiIIed 1 2 peopIe, and now, because of you, I wiII kiII a 1 3th.
Surgery's over, we're done.
Don't wanna work with you, see you, taIk to you. We're done.
[strains]
[grunts]
OK, Andy, we're ready to begin.
[groans] Wait. Is she...?
- LoIa? - She... I couIdn't find her.
She went to eat or something.
[BaiIey] We need to start the catheter.
OK. Now, you're gonna feeI some pressure.
She didn't go to eat. She just didn't want to come, right?
- [gasps] - [cIanks]
[shudders] LoIa Iikes to hang out with me.
Or she did... used to.
Before I did this.
Once, she aImost...
There couIda been a kiss,
but I chickened out.
WeII, maybe you don't need to be kissing her.
No, I do. I do. I do need to be kissing her.
- My whoIe Iife is about kissing her. - [BaiIey] Catheter's in.
Guys are on their Iast piece of cement.
[Andrew shudders] Thank God. The hard part's over, right?
- The hard part's over? - [Richard] Get a crash cart ready.
I've got caIcium, D-50 and insuIin.
- Ready. - The hard part is over?
OK, there is a chance
that when the nice gentIemen take off the finaI piece of cement
there, on your abdomen, the toxins that have been buiIding up
underneath the concrete wiII rush to your heart, and you'II crash.
You... Your heart wiII stop, and you'II stop breathing.
But, no, there's no need to make that face because we wiII restart your heart,
and we wiII put in a tube that wiII breathe for you and rush you to the OR.
We are good at what we do. Just, if you see the warm, weIcoming Iight,
- do not go into it. - [whimpers]
Let's go.
[Richard] OK, we're gonna do this on three.
- OK. One. - Watch the Ieads.
Two.
Three.
[grunting]
- [Richard] There he goes. - [Mark] CIear his airway.
[Richard] AII right. One.
Two. Three.
- Easy, easy, easy. - [CaIIie] Push the Iidocaine.
- [Richard] BaiIey. - [BaiIey] Got the intubation.
[Richard] Go.
I don't know what you mean when you say she didn't want to die.
When you were sitting on the fIoor with your mother, what did she say to you?
She toId me to be extraordinary. She said that she had faiIed,
but that I shouId be extraordinary, that I shouIdn't depend on anyone.
''Be an extraordinary woman,'' is what she said.
And so you became a surgeon, just Iike her.
- Yes. - Which means you have aII the tooIs
- to figure this out. - But I just...
- You need to work this through. - [exhaIes]
I promise you, when you do, you're gonna be gIad.
[# Jon Foreman: The Cure For Pain]
- My head is expIoding. - Make it unexpIode.
- Are... Are you mad at me? - No.
- Why taIk to me in that voice? - There's no voice.
There's a voice. And I did you a favor.
You didn't do me a favor. You made it cIear that I'm stiII me.
The aImost guy.
AII that separates me from the rest of my cIass is one point?
It wouId've been OK if it was 50 points or even ten points, but one?
That means it was right there, it was in my hand, and I Iet it sIip away.
I didn't want to know that. Do you get that?
That knowing that if I had just checked A instead of B,
one point separates me from freedom. I have been running my taiI off,
busting my ass to make up for one Iousy point,
proving...
You didn't do me a favor. Don't kid yourseIf.
At Ieast now you know you have what it takes. [chuckIes]
Yeah.
This arm's aImost bandaged, then we're gonna move to the other one, OK?
OK.
I've prescribed her AIprazoIam and CIonazepam.
Psych wiII be down, but it'd be good to keep her caIm.
She doesn't need any drugs or any psych.
She needs a psych consuIt to be admitted.
- Not admitting her. - Not taking her.
- I was watching her every minute. - You shouIdn't have to watch her.
You're not on today so she was admitted under my name,
which means I decide the treatment. She needs to be put on hoId...
Damn it! Leave us aIone, you stupid bitch.
[sniffs]
You're supposed to sit down. That's what the breaks are for.
- We're on our feet. Rest your Iegs. - My Iegs are good.
Inappropriate, don't you think, thinking about sex during surgery?
Just saying what I've been witnessing aII day.
This poor kid's entire body was encased in cement.
His Iegs are crushed, his vesseIs and nerves cut off compIeteIy,
and stiII... I was turned on.
This entire time I've been turned on because of you and your dirty taIk.
It wasn't my dirty taIk. It's what I was dirty taIking about.
- [Iaughs] What? - Erica. You and Erica.
[scoffs] No. That's...
- No. - CaIIie.
- What? - It's OK.
I wish I was aII someone thought about.
You had 1 4 Ietters of recommendation.
Cristina had eight, Meredith had four, Izzie had ten. But you had 1 4.
The words used to describe you... Nobody had recommendations Iike yours.
PeopIe said the others were smart, they said they were hard workers,
they said that they were good. But your Ietters?
They said you were great.
They spoke of kindness, attention to detaiI.
They taIked about how hard you try, and that you never give up.
They painted a picture of the kind of doctor that I hope to become.
It was an honor to read those Ietters, because now I know that what
separates you from the others isn't one stupid point.
What separates you from the others is greatness.
So don't you dare Iet one point hoId you back.
[whirring]
I'm covered in bIood. TaIk fast.
AIex brought Rebecca in. She tried to hurt herseIf. He's taking Rebecca home.
- And? - She needs to be admitted.
- She needs a psych consuIt. - And?
- Can you just do your job? - I am doing my job.
I'm heIping a 1 9-year-oId man that I promised wouId get to Iive, get to Iive.
That's my job as a surgeon. I took my son to daycare when I came in.
My job as a mother. I'm asking you,
what are you going to do about your patient? My job as chief resident.
- How about you do your job? - I can't.
- I don't know what to do. - Stevens. She's your patient.
He's... her Ioved one. Come on, you know what to do.
It's just hard to do it.
- OK, I'II try. - No, you don't have to try.
You're a doctor trained by me, with aII the skiIIs that God gave you.
You have everything you need.
Each one teach one.
[door opens]
- Where are we? - SIoan, Hahn and Torres are done.
- We're up. - [Cristina] UncIamped the vein.
- BIood fIow is good to the Iiver. - [door cIoses]
- Right, chief? - AbsoIuteIy right. Good job.
- [BaiIey] Good, then we're ready to... - [monitor beeping]
[# AdeIe: Hometown Glory]
[exhaIes]
I think I Iiked it better when you were saying boring science stuff.
[Iaughs softIy]
I'm never good enough.
No matter what I say or what I do.
I never wanted to do this.
This cIinicaI triaI is making me a faiIure.
I faiI her over and over and over.
You mean ''them.''
When you say, ''faiI her,'' you mean, ''faiI them.''
The patients.
He's gonna need an emboIectomy. CaII Hahn back here.
- A cIot in the right puImonary artery. - I couId get to it.
- Hahn wiII assess him. - I can get to it.
The Iung retracts, Ieaving the area for emboIectomy cIear.
He's aIready severeIy compromised. We'd waste time,
time his brain won't be perfusing. It'II take me seconds.
I've done it before. With Burke.
I promised this kid he'd Iive.
Dr. BaiIey, take over CPR.
Yang, I'm right here if you need me.
Ten-bIade.
[door opens]
[exhaIes]
You don't have to do this.
- Come on. What are you, scared? - Yes.
Me, too.
So Iet's just Ieap. OK?
OK.
[inhaIes]
[exhaIes]
[door opens]
- What happened? - He threw a PE.
Yang wouId be the best person to open him up?
- She's a cardiac savant. - Is that why she went through
- the fourth intercostaI space? - CouIdn't get in through fifth.
- Gauze pushing the diaphragm up. - This couId be easier
- under fIuoro. - AIready had the TEE. I'm doing fine.
Reach it better... Forget it. I'II do it.
- Gown, pIease. - I've got this.
- No, if you had done it... - Just shut up and Iet me work.
Let her work, Dr. Hahn.
Shepherd scheduIed two craniotomies for the cIinicaI triaI today?
- Yes, we Iost the first one... - I toId Meredith one patient.
- Dr. Grey said she cIeared it with you. - Did she?
- I... Sir, I might be mistaken. - I don't think you are.
- She's hoIding steady. - The ICP's 1 3.
- We'II see. - Derek.
She's stiII aIive. We've gotten this far.
- She's stiII aIive. - For how Iong?
- You can go. - I'II stay with her.
No, it's just... I'II do it. You can go.
[sighs]
Yang fIew soIo,
and you shouId be ceIebrating because that means you're doing your job.
Teaching her how to save a Iife.
Residents are Iike puppies,
eager and enthusiastic, and you need to Iearn how to teach
without crushing their spirit.
Now you want to work here with my residents,
then you need to do better. You need to be a better teacher.
[exhaIes]
- Don't make me regret backing you up. - No, sir. AbsoIuteIy not, sir.
- Thank you, sir. - Puppies.
[Izzie] Rebecca.
This is Dr. Shapiro from Psych. He's gonna be examining you.
- [AIex] Iz... - Ask questions whiIe Karev and I taIk.
- What did I teII you? - She's my patient.
I decide her treatment. I am not reIeasing her without a consuIt.
If you try to take her without my OK, I wiII have you arrested.
- You can't have me arrested. - Try me.
Look, Iz, you're worried. I see that, and I understand.
But you're being a IittIe unreasonabIe.
- I've got this. - No, you don't have it. I have it.
- I'm taking her home. - No. No!
- You gonna bodiIy restrain me? - I wiII if I have to.
- Hit a woman? - If I have to.
AIex, she's sick. She needs heIp you cannot possibIy give her.
- I can take care of her. - No, you can't.
You have no idea. You couId do damage by taking her home.
I can take care of her. I've done this before.
- AIex... - She's just going through a bad patch.
PeopIe go through a bad patch. AII right?
I can feed her and I can... I can change her,
and I can bathe her and I can watch her. UntiI the bad patch is over,
I can take care of her. I took care of my mom, and I can take care of her.
- You've done this before. - I've done this before.
I have done this before, Izzie.
But I was a kid then, and I'm a man now, so I'II be better at it.
- I have done this before. - Stop.
You don't have to say anymore.
[squirts]
- You're here earIy. - I never went home.
You'd want to monitor your patient. I figured you were tired.
- How is he? - His vitaIs are stabIe.
He received 1 6 Iiters over the first 24 hours.
I changed it down to 1 25 cc's per hour. Urine output's at 37 cc's per hour.
He had some anxiety at 3am, and then again at 5am,
- which I treated with diphenhydramine. - Good. Good job.
It's not a good job.
- O'MaIIey? - It's not a good job for me.
Sitting by his bedside recording urine output
and giving antianxiety meds aII night. It's not a good job for me.
Running Iabs for Meredith Grey, that's not a good job for me.
It's not a good job because I'm better than that,
and you know I'm better than that. Maybe if I wasn't good at my job
or maybe if I had struggIed and was Iagging behind...
My personaIity, I'm not Karev, I'm not Yang, I'm not Meredith.
I'm not hardened, I get that. I get it.
I don't have the personaIity of a surgeon.
Maybe that's why you made the mistake
of not thinking that I deserve a second chance
when everyone eIse around here has gotten one.
But, sir, it is a mistake because I'm exceIIent.
I'm exceIIent at my job. And I did faiI my test,
but I deserve a second chance.
OK.
- OK? - OK, you can retake the test.
OK.
She hasn't woken up yet.
Sometimes it takes Ionger with brain surgery for the body to recover.
But she couId not wake up?
- CouId she die? - That's a possibiIity,
but I'd rather not worry about that untiI we have to.
- When? - When what?
When wiII we have to start worrying about that?
- StiII here. SIeep in the waiting room? - Look, I Iike him.
AII right, I do. But he doesn't need to know that.
- Nobody needs to know that. - He needs you,
- and you're worried about your friends? - What do you know?
Do you know what it'd be Iike for me, for him, if they knew? Think it's easy?
I think it's better to be honest.
He's aIive. BareIy, but... he's aIive.
I, uh, caIIed your husband.
He says he took the baby and Ieft you two months ago.
He says...
You have something caIIed underIying borderIine personaIity disorder,
which means you were fragiIe to start with, so this...
This has probabIy been coming on for a whiIe.
ProbabIy since your... your accident.
Then they changed your face.
I heIped change your face.
You couIdn't...
You need heIp, Rebecca, and I can't give it to you.
So you're gonna stay here tonight, and tomorrow...
Tomorrow, they're gonna transfer you to a psychiatric faciIity.
- I think that's better. - [sobs]
[whispers] I'm sorry.
I reaIIy tried.
I wanted to be better for you.
I know how hard it is for you to trust peopIe,
and I wanted to be someone you couId depend on.
[sobs]
[whispers] I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's OK. You tried.
So you convinced Shepherd to do the second surgery without my approvaI.
- So? - So?
That's how you speak to the chief, ''So?''
My mother tried to kiII herseIf after you Ieft. Did you know that?
- Did you know that? - I didn't know that.
- I'm sorry. I didn't know. - She was a briIIiant surgeon.
How couId you do that to her?
She was a taIented, gifted, extraordinary surgeon.
Meredith?
- TeII me. - She was a surgeon.
An exceIIent surgeon. If she was reaIIy trying to kiII herseIf,
she wouIdn't have sIit her wrists. She knew better.
She wouId've taken the scaIpeI, cut her carotid artery.
WouId've taken seconds to die. She didn't reaIIy want to die.
She was an exceIIent, gifted, extraordinary surgeon.
- Didn't want to die. - What did she want?
- She wanted Richard to come back. - And why didn't he come back?
WeII, because he never knew about it, and she was too stubborn to ask.
- What does that mean? - WeII, that part I don't know.
CouId you just teII me that part for once?
I can.
It means that you are a gifted,
taIented, extraordinary surgeon, exactIy Iike your mother,
but the difference is you get to Iearn from her mistakes.
Be extraordinary.
- She wasn't taIking about surgery. - No, she wasn't.
She wasn't taIking about surgery at aII.
WeII, do I or do I not keep my promises?
- [groans] You do. - [chuckIes]
And remember what I said about the bigger picture?
Yeah.
[Iaughs]
He's been waiting his whoIe Iife for that, huh?
Yes, he has.
- Are those Beth's fiIms? - Yes.
These are from two days ago, and these are from today.
WouId you hand me the caIipers, pIease?
This one is smaIIer than that one. The tumor's shrinking.
- The virus is working. - Oh, my God. [Iaughs]
- You have to go teII Derek. - No. You have to teII Derek.
It's the kind of news he'd want to hear from you.
Rose.
CongratuIations on your major medicaI breakthrough.
It's the stuff of Iegends.
- Hey! - Take the sparkIe pager back.
I am drunk on the power.
- Where is it? - I think it might actuaIIy be mysticaI.
- Have you seen Derek? - Nope.
- Um... You paged, Dr. Yang? - Grab that banana from my cubby.
You... You want me to peeI it for you?
I want you to Iearn running whip stitch. I'II teach it.
Take the needIe.
- Chart. - Here you go.
Thank you.
[muffIed sobbing]
Hi.
Hey.
You're aIive.
Yeah. I'm aIive.
Not just for show anymore.
- No. - [Beth breathing heaviIy]
[rustIing]
That's not sanitary.
A IittIe cIoser together. Try again.
- Dr. Yang, thank you for... - Uh-huh.
How'd it go?
- AwfuI. [cIears throat] - Yeah.
OK. Um...
These are for you.
Why give me your keys to the cIinic?
I'm not giving you my keys to the cIinic. I'm giving you the cIinic.
What?
I've seen the bigger picture. I Iove the cIinic.
I Iove what it means, I Iove what it is.
But I don't Iove it as much as I Iove surgery.
I don't Iove it as much as I Iove being chief resident.
I don't Iove it as much as I Iove my husband and my chiId.
I have seen the bigger picture,
and I can't do everything and stiII have everything.
So I have to... Iet some pieces go.
This piece. This is your piece.
I've watched you earn this piece
the hard way, the awfuI way.
Knowing that I can give the cIinic to someone Iike you.
You have grown into a fine doctor, Izzie Stevens.
Thank you.
The Denny Duquette MemoriaI CIinic is in your hands.
You make me proud.
[# Bryn Christopher: The Quest]
Derek!
He's not there.
Oh.
I'm not a bad man.
I know I'm the viIIain in your story, but I'm not a bad man.
[cIoses trunk]
So you want to finish what we started yesterday?
Or you can finish what you started.
I'm growing.
Go. Get outta here.
Hey. [exhaIes]
I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a drink.
- I can't find my keys. - Maybe we couId, um...
- Something I wanted to taIk about. - I had the damn keys.
I put them in this bag, but I can't remember...
- This whoIe thing with Yang... - Erica.
- What? - I'm saying something here.
I just... I wanted to say...
I just wanted to say...
Meredith!
- Richard? - I want to come home.
- Richard! - I am a good man.
I'm a good man.
I spend my days being a good man for the hospitaI, for my residents,
for my patients.
I'm a good man who made one mistake with a woman 20 years ago.
I am a good man for everybody but you. I know that.
Don't you think I know that? But I am a good man.
And I am your husband...
...and I Iove you.
Now, I am not asking you to come home.
I'm teIIing you.
I am your husband, and I want to come home to my wife.
[exhaIes]
WeII...
...it's about time.
Meredith.
- I'm retaking my intern test. - Oh, my God.
I taIked to the chief, made my case, I'm taking the test.
Lexie, I know I was mad before, but thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you. Get out the Iiquor, 'cause we are ceIebrating.
- I'm sorry. - Whatever.
Not whatever.
I'm sorry.
About Rebecca and your mom.
I'm sorry.
- AIex. - [whispers] PIease.
Just this once.
Just for this one night, pIease.
PIease.
[sobs]
[sobbing] PIease. PIease.
[cIicks]
[exhaIes]
We goin' home.
[grunts] Home to Daddy.
Yeah. Yeah.
[birds hooting]
Meredith?
[# Ida Maria: Keep Me Warm]
[Meredith] Stupid, corny, idiotic. I cannot beIieve I did this.
Stupid Ioser. Son of a... I couId be at home instead of...
[scoffs]
- Stupid brain man. - Meredith.
Where have you been?
I've been waiting and waiting for you, and I did this stupid, embarrassing,
humiIiating, corny thing, and I was gonna teII you that this here
is our kitchen and this is our Iiving room,
and that's the room where our kids couId pIay.
I had this thing, ''I was gonna buiId us a house,''
but I don't buiId houses. I'm a surgeon.
And now I'm here feeIing Iike a Iame-ass Ioser.
I got aII whoIe and heaIed, and you don't show up.
It's ruined because you took so Iong.
And I couIdn't even find that bottIe of champagne.
This is the kitchen?
Living room?
LittIe smaII.
I think the view is much better from here.
And that's the room where the kids are gonna pIay? [Iaughs]
Where's our bedroom?
I'm stiII mad at you, and I don't know if I trust you.
I want to, but I don't know if I do. I'm just gonna try.
I'm gonna try and trust you. I beIieve that
we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart, and I wanna be...
- I have to go. - What?
In order to kiss you the way I want to kiss you,
in order to do more than kiss you,
I need to speak to Rose.
I want my conscience cIear so that I can do more than kiss you.
[exhaIes]
Stay here.
Don't move.
Wait for me.